A light in the darkness
by misbarbosa
Summary: When something devastating happens in their lives, they know that they'll need each other to keep moving on without falling apart. One-shot, season 8.


Disclaimer:English is not my first language. I'm sorry for the mistakes you'll possibly find.

**A light in the darkness**

_One-shot_

The pregnancy hasn't interfered on Kate's work. In fact, she can go to work until she completes 8 months. What makes Castle worried – even more now that he's out during the past weeks for sign meetings, but the captain had an eye on her; in a few weeks from now, she'll go to the precinct to do _nothing more_ than paperwork until the baby is born. It was for their baby's safe, after all. But she wasn't neither making much physical effort, nor being exposed to danger. Most times she was in the precinct, doing paperwork. Boring, for her. Relaxing for him, when she called to keep him informed of her day, always reassuring that the boys were keeping her out of any bigger risks. But it was okay. The fetus was okay. Ten weeks and everything was fine. But damn, she missed action. She missed adrenaline. Her body pleaded for it. So, yesterday, she'd been on an arrest with the boys. She ran fast, she sweated and arrested a killer. Adrenaline. She likes it.

Ok, it wasn't _just_ yesterday. She'd been going making arrests and running after suspects since last week. Ryan and Esposito had warned her several times. After all, she could easily get shot. – like she already did, four years ago. They had tried to keep her inside the precinct, but it seems like nobody can cut off her hyperactivity.

_"We've got a suspect. Let's go, bro." Esposito ordered to Ryan._

_Kate observed them from her desk, while doing paperwork. When they both got up, she instantaneously mirrored them._

_"You got something?" She was anxious. Jeez, three hours of paperwork. This isn't for her._

_"Yes," he walked toward her. "_We_ got something. You, otherwise, detective Beckett, stay here." He lightly forced her to sit back on her chair._

_Beckett frowned. "I want to go!" She said, crossing her arms. _

_"You need to stop a bit and rest, Beckett. Don't forget that there's a little peanut growing inside you. Besides, Castle wouldn't be happy to know that you've been making arrests during this last week." _

_"My little peanut is pretty fine and healthy," she caressed her lightly curved belly. "I can rest when my belly swells and I turn into a balloon. Right now, I need to exercise my body, so my kid won't be lazy like his father." She knew she sounded ridiculous, but she really meant it. _

_"When Jenny got pregnant, she only did in place exercises and today our kid is quite active." Kevin argued. _

_"It's different! Jenny doesn't get bored at work! I'm a cop! I can't just stay here all day with paperwork swallowing me!" She was almost crying. "I will be sick, and my baby is going to be sick too! Is that what you want? Is it!?" She caught a breath after the restive discourse._

_Both Ryan and Esposito observed her drama show. They couldn't stop themselves from bursting into laughter. "God, you're acting ten times worse after you got pregnant. The hormone monster inside you is growing up fast and it's just your second month!" Esposito teased._

_"I'm so sorry for your husband," Ryan joined the bantering. "Now I know why he's out doing sign meeting." He said, making Esposito chuckle._

_She still had the crying face, switching looks at both. "Please, let me go with you. Just this time, please. I'm freaking out here." _

_They considered her for a moment, and then looked at each other. "Alright," they gave in. She smiled and got up, excited. "But just this time." Esposito reiterated her previous speech. _

_"Copy that." She answered, grabbing her gun and following her partners to the elevator._

Today was her day off. She had spent the whole evening sitting on the loft's couch. Crying. Frightened. Nervous. Hopeless. To maintain her consciousness until Castle is home she needed to breath, in and out, calmly. Knowing that he's coming back tonight feels as swamping as solacing. It would be hard be forced to face the truth whether she wanted or not, in a few minutes. Her condition, now, could be easily compared to the searing painful days she'd endured over her mother's murder. – Difference being, now she had someone that would understand her pain.

After Castle won the POE'S Pen Award, he accepted to do a book sign over the near cities. As a matter of fact, Kate _made_ him go. He was too excited with her pregnancy, it was driving her crazy. _"I'm just being protective"_, he had said. But no; He was obsessive, to say the least. So, yes, she made him go so she could have a moment alone with her little peanut, go to work and have her gun with her in peace. _"I'm an adult, I can take care of myself; You can go, I'll be okay, Castle.", _were the words that convinced him to say yes to his publisher that was waiting impatiently on the other side of the line. And then, since the day he went out, they barely had time to talk to each other. Sometimes he was at the hotel, and she had a murder; When she was back, she wanted to sleep, and he was waking up to go to the next city. The last time they spoke to each other was this morning, for half an hour, before he had to go back to the signs.

"_Are you sure you're okay?" He asked for the fiftieth time. _

"_Yes, babe," she chuckled, filling her cup with coffee. "I'm fine. Stop asking." _

"_You're drinking coffee, aren't you?" He asked sternly. "Remember the doctor's words: less caffeine."_

_She placed her free hand on her waist, walking toward the counter. "The doctor's words? Castle, _you_ said that. Not the doctor." She refreshed his memory. "And don't worry, this coffee is weak."_

"_Yeah. Better be."_

_It was._

_He continued after a moment. "Thank God I'll be back tonight to take care of you." _

"_I miss you too," she whispered. He could hear her smile. "The bed is so cold!" She complained._

"_I know-" She heard a voice talking to him. "I'm sorry, I've got to go. The meeting is about to start. See you tonight, honey."_

_She felt empty already. "Okay. Love you."_

"_Love you too." He answered, smiling._

"_And don't stare at the bimbos too much." _

_His eyes widened. _

"_Yes, Richard Castle, I know the kind of woman that goes to your sign meetings."_

"_Oh- Ok. First: It's not my fault that I was born ruggedly handsome!" He exclaimed, bringing his free hand to his chest. Kate rolled her eyes. "And I would never rather look at any other woman in this world but you." He said firmly. "Now, I really have got to go. They're about to slap me here." _

_She couldn't stop herself from smiling like an idiot. He still had the same effect on her after all these years. Gosh. "Bye, babe. See you tonight." She said._

"_See ya." He answered, before hanging up the phone._

She stared at the door from the couch, waiting for the sound of the keys, not sure if she wanted to hear it. Five seconds later, there it was. The sound of the keys, and Castle showing up afterwards. Her stomach stung, and her body congealed.

He entered the loft, closing the door behind him. He seemed fine besides the tiredness slightly manifesting on his face. When he saw her there, he smiled at the first moment, but frowned when realized her sparkling red eyes full of tears and urged to go toward her.

"Kate! What's going on? Are you okay?" He asked worried, sitting next to her, carefully touching her stomach.

When Kate felt his hands on her, she startled; her heart instantaneously crashing and burning. She trembled and cried more than before. He cautiously said to her to calm down, leaning his head to look at her face, holding her head and caressing her cheek with his thumbs. She hadn't looked him in the eye since he sat on the couch. She averted his gaze while he tried to understand the situation, seeing the tears falling down her face and brushing them away.

Her mind was a mix of a million thoughts and nothing at the same time. The moment came; the moment that she would have to vomit the truth upon his face and derange a beautiful chapter of his real-life book; the moment she wanted to delete from their lives since today's lunch. But she _had_ to tell him. She had to. It wasn't just about her life, it was his too. But she was so ashamed of looking him in the eyes…

"Kate?" He tried again. It could be pregnancy hormones, so he would respect her, and wait until she wanted to talk.

After a moment, she hesitated, but took courage to look at him in the eyes. His heart skipped erratically seeing how destroyed she looked. She was about to hurt him, about to break his beautiful, happy heart, and he had no idea.

"I don't know how to start this," she breathed the words out, trying to push the agony away from her chest.

"Just tell me what is going on," he said calmly, caressing down the warm skin her arm and taking her hand.

"Castle…" she sobbed. "The baby…" she squeezed his hand. How would she finish this sentence?

He wasn't sure if he'd understood, – he was hoping for not – but her tears made his heart skip erratically. Please, let it be the opposite of what he was thinking. Please.

"The baby what?" He asked, queasiness devouring him in anticipation.

"I lost him," she whimpered, bringing a hand to her face, trying to hide the noticeable shame she was feeling. "The baby, I lost him."

His whole body ached. _I lost him._ He was trying to organize her words in his mind.

Kate moved her hand down to her mouth to open her eyes and look at him. Seeing his eyes filling with tears; seeing how this cracked him; his features that now weren't the same he had when he entered the loft; knowing that it wasn't a chapter of his book that he could just erase and start again; she wasn't sure that she could handle this. "I'm so sorry," she cried, looking down at their holding hands and taking a breath, trying to calm herself. She looked at him before keep going. He was looking at her, unaware of what to respond. All of this came so unexpectedly for him, and her heart clenched foreseeing what was running in his mind. What was she doing to him?

"I'm so sorry!" She repeated, wiping her falling tears out of her cheeks. "It happened so suddenly. I was taking a bath after lunch and I felt something flowing down my thighs." She covered her mouth with her free hand, and closes her eyes remembering the incident. A tear fell down her face and she took a deep breath. "It was blood." She paused for a moment. "I felt colic, it was so sharpening and uncontrollable, so I stopped moving; otherwise I would fall on the bathroom's floor. And when I looked down again… I saw a-, my legs and the floor were so full of b-", Her heart ached while her body shook entirely. She couldn't finish this. "I called the ambulance. They pick me up here and I went through a procedure to take out the tissue from my body."

_Her body was bone-chilling, feeling the cold from the bathroom mixing with the pain of the punches her uterus was giving her. She tried to hold herself in the curtain, slowly walking out of the shower stall and putting on her bathrobe. She'd cleaned the blood in the shower, but it wouldn't stop flowing between her legs. She was starting to feel nausea. _

_Sweating, she took her phone and dialed the emergency's number with her shaken hands._

"_You have dialed emergency Triple Zero. Your call is being connected." She heard a computerized voice. _

_Her stomach aching while she tried to breath in and out; her uterus contracting, when she finally heard the lady's voice._

"_How may I help you?" _

"_I need an ambulance. Now! I'm pregnant and bleeding continuously!" She was almost yelling._

_The lady tracked her phone and confirmed the address._

"_We're sending you an ambulance. We ask you to please, wait."_

"_I ask you to please hurry!" She said loudly and hung the phone, moaning due to the pain. _

_They gave her a sedative in the ambulance, so she would stop feeling pain. It caused her to feel sleepy. So, in the hospital, Kate had her eyes closed, her body losing strength, but she could still hear her doctor's voice talking to her team while she was on the stretcher, being carried to the hospital's room._

"_We'll need to eradicate the fetal products. There's nothing alive to recovery here." Were the last words she could hear before the medicine shut down her mind._

_After her doctor cleaned her body with her team, she gave Kate an anesthetic for the pain, when she woke up, twenty minutes later. She was now sitting on the bed's hospital, the grogginess going away slowly, when her doctor came back to the room to check on her._

"_Hey, Ms. Beckett…" The doctor approached the bed. _

_By the apologetic look on her face Kate knew, but had to hear her confirming it, so she could really be certain of what was happening. _

"_I'm afraid to tell you this, Ms. Beckett, but you had an inevitable miscarriage." The doctor swallowed seeing the tear falling through Kate's face. "My apologies." She finished, quietly._

"_I was bleeding for the past three days, I told you! And you saw how scared I was. You said it was nothing! You said it was normal!" Kate cried to her doctor, that looked at her with apologetic eyes._

"_My apologies, Beckett," the doctor said quietly. "The bleeding was weak, wasn't it?"_

_Kate nodded._

"_So, it is normal in women with this time of pregnancy. We couldn't know if it was a threaten."_

"_How? You hadn't even asked for exams!"_

"_How I said earlier, the bleeding was normal for your time of pregnancy." The doctor answered carefully. "It can happen to every woman, since it's a slight bleeding like yours were. No exams were necessary, Ms. Beckett." _

"_Oh, no? So why is my baby dead in the garbage?" Kate yelled, crying. _

_The look on Kate's face wasn't the first that the doctor has seen throughout her career. It was arduous, not just for her patients, but for her as a professional. It hurts for her too. But it really wasn't neither her nor Kate's fault. Something changed suddenly on Kate's body, causing an inevitable abortion – when the fetus dies naturally, the woman bleeds and feels pain, and the rests of products remains in the woman's uterus. _

"_My apologies, Kate." The doctor said once again._

"She said that since I properly obeyed the prenatal care instructions, and as I'm healthy and my agitated work wasn't being a problem, an infection could have caused it. But the exams won't be ready until tomorrow." Kate continued, quietly, looking at their wrapped hands resting on her crossed-legs. She looked at him before continuing. "I'm so sorry, Castle."

His face, listening to all of this… His features went down instantly. Why? Why with him? Why with her? Why with _them_? She looked at him and couldn't think about anything but the big punch she'd gave in his heart.

Still holding her hand, Castle carefully pulled her close, involving his arms around her weak and tired body. She rested her head in his shoulder, holding him back, feeling the comfort of his hug. He caressed her back up and down, slowly. "Stop apologizing," he whispered. "It's not your fault. It was inevitable."

He wasn't ok. His world had just cracked in pieces. But he needed to be strong, just for now. He needed to calm her tension. She was so vulnerable, and he would be strong for her. He would hide his tears that now were sliding down through his face. They stayed there, in each other's warmth, pushing the fear and agony away for some minutes, in silence. He leaned his head to place a soft kiss on her head.

He breathed heavily before starting to talk. "Kate, look at me." She lifted her head from his shoulder, and keeping her arms around him, she looked him in the eyes. Her eyes were still red, and she still looked scared and miserable. He ran his fingers through her hair, trying to choose the right words. "I'm feeling miserable too. I still can't believe we won't see our baby in some months. But _don't_ feel guilty, okay? You can feel anything but guilt. You remember when we talked to your doctor about abortion, right? That it's common among women of your age, and it usually happens before the twelfth week…" He perceived her body arching on his embrace and sucked in a breath. "It was inevitable. It's painful and extremely shocking, and I can't even imagine how it was for you. I wanted to be here and take care of you, but I wasn't-"

She interrupted him. "You're here now," she closed her eyes, laying her head on his shoulder again, tightening the hug. "I feel less afraid."

He leaned his head and pressed a slight kiss against her forehead. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. You should have called me, although I understand why you didn't. But you know I would've come back sooner anyway. I would've stopped everything I was doing to come help you." He paused for a moment, when felt her face wet with tears against his neck. "Kate, I want you to know something," he said carefully, trying to seem calm. "Our little angel is in a better place, I just want you to know that he is in good hands up there," he pointed his finger up. "And everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it wasn't the right time for him. I want us to have a family, and when the time is right, we'll have a baby. Or two. Maybe three. And, even with this incident, he's still our baby. He's not physically here, but he's here," he placed his hand on the left side of her chest. "And here." He finished, placing the same hand on his heart.

Kate lifted her head and looked at him for a moment, another tear threatening to fall. How did he know how to do this? She smiled weakly looking at him. Anguish was still running inside her, but he made her day look a little bit less distorted with his words.

"Thank you for comforting me, babe." she said lightly, her voice still a bit shaken. "I was afraid to tell you, I didn't know how you'd react."

"I don't want to accept the fact that our baby isn't here anymore," he paused for a breath. "And seeing you like this, I don't want to imagine how it was for you, and I wanted to be here for you at the same time, but-" He took his hands to his face, trying not to imagine anything. Her blood; her pain; her tears; her desperate screams; and him not being there… "But I would _never _blame you for what happened."

"And I know I should've call you, but I just didn't want to tell you this through the phone… I'm sorry, babe." She said, seeing dolefulness spreading all over his face. She saw him forcing his chest to take a breath, and caressed his hair sliding her hands down to his shoulders, delicately squeezing him, understanding his silence.

They remained in silence for some minutes, their minds full of thoughts. What would they do now, after having a new chapter of their lives interrupted? Would they ever recover from this stormy pain?

"How are you feeling, physically?" He broke the silence. "Does it hurt somewhere? You must be tired."

"I- I am really tired, and still bleeding a bit. I don't feel that harsh pain anymore, though." she answered quietly.

His heart stung. She felt _pain_. She was in pain, _alone_, while he was in a sign meeting thinking that everything was fine. Because _it_ _was_, this morning, when he annoyed her by asking a million times. But it happened; it happened, and he could do nothing to reverse that. But right now, since he's here, he will take care of his wife. "Let's go to bed," he said before getting up and extending his arms for her to take his hands. "We both need to sleep. I'll take your results tomorrow."

•••

In the bedroom, Castle changed his clothes while Kate laid on her side of the bed. She felt her body heavy in exhaustion and her head now throbbing against the pillow. Her body needed a time out after today's appalling occurrence, and she was starting to feel the side effects now that she allowed her muscles to relax. When he finished changing, he sat on the edge of the bed next to her feet, leaned his body toward her and raised her shirt up to press a soft kiss on her stomach, just like he did a few weeks ago, in the night that she astonished him with the big news, after the POE'S Pen Career Achievement Award.

"_Finally, home!" Castle sighed, closing the loft's door behind him and Kate._

"_I wasn't seeing the time I'd take these heels off!" Kate said while walking toward the couch, with him going right behind to sit next to her. _

"_What a big night!" He said, amusedly._

"_I know, right? You won an award with the Nikki Heat novels! It's feels amazing to know that I'm the inspiration." Kate answered, turning to look at him. "And I loved your speech." She smiled._

"_I meant it." He smiled back. "We've been through a lot together but- God! I wouldn't change this for nothing else in this world! God knows where I'd be right now if you haven't crossed my way." _

"_I bet you'd be surrounded by bimbos." She opined, getting up and walking towards the counter. _

_He took his fingers to his mouth, pensively, while she filled a glass with water. "I won't even try to deny it because, you know-" _

"_Yeah, I know, Castle." She interrupted. "Handsome, rich, best-selling author, blah blah blah." She rolled her eyes and drank the water._

_He giggled. One thing is for sure, if she hadn't crossed his way, he wouldn't have had that much fun getting in a woman's nerves like he does to her. _

"_So…" Castle heard her from the couch. "Aren't you tired of Nikki Heat?" She asked from the other side of the counter, avoiding looking at him._

"_Uh…" He switched his gaze around the room. "No…? Why, are you?"_

"_No, I mean… don't you think it's time for a new inspiration?" _

"_Why, Katherine Beckett, do you have someone in mind?" He asked, getting up from the couch and walking to the counter, attentively observing her._

"_I'm saying just in case you get out of ideas," she turned to look at him as he stopped next to her near the counter. "Maybe you could increase a new character in your next book." She suggested naturally. _

"_Okay… and who would be?"_

_Kate fixed her gaze on his, and then slowly reached his hands. "What do you think of a tiny, little person," she carefully placed his hands on her stomach. "that is growing inside of me?" She finished, her smile widening. _

_Now, Castle just switched looks at her face and her belly with half-opened mouth, not sure of what to answer, or react. His heart skipping fast and his body a little bit shaken. _

"_Castle?" She tried to call his attention. "Hello?"_

_His smile widened. "You're pregnant?"_

"_Surprise!" She whispered, still holding his hands on her belly._

_His eyes sparkled, filling with tears while he stared at her stomach. "Is it true?"_

"_Yes, Castle, we're going to have a baby." She smiled._

"_Oh my God!" He grinned in excitement, hugging and raising her from the floor, making her smile wide. _

_She continued after he put her back to her feet. "Four weeks, according to the pregnancy test." _

_He considered her for a second._

"_Wait a minute. You didn't drink the champagne tonight, did you?"_

"_You know, I _almost_ forgot." She placed her hands on her waist. "But no, I didn't." She smiled._

_He hummed, smiling, but his attention got back to her belly again, making him get on his knees, hypnotizingly admiring her skin that were still covered with the red dress from tonight's event. The slight, invisible curve that kept him absent to everything around was, he thought, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. _

"_Oh my God… this is…" He admired her covered skin, paying attention to its shape, picturing how adorable it would look in a few months. _

_He slid his fingers against the soft material of her dress. "Hello," he whispered. "I'm your dad." _

_Her eyes sparkled looking down at him, a tear threatening to fall. He looked so silly, so pure and adorable. _

"_Castle, I'm only with four weeks. He's still a tiny rice grain." She said softly. _

"_But he's already here," he kept his attention to her stomach. "Oh, my God." _

"_Yes, but he can't hear you yet, Castle." _

"_I don't care."_

_She rolled her eyes and shook her head, smiling._

_He looked up at her and smiled. _

"_Congrats, daddy." She whispered._

_He ran his fingers all over her stomach, staring deeply, like he could almost see what's inside. He pressed a soft kiss against her stomach and rested his head on her for a second. She ran a hand through his hair, and he moved back to look at her belly again. "Welcome, baby," he whispered, sliding a thumb around her bellybutton. "Can't wait to see you." _

The kiss he has pressed on her stomach now was a long, soft and quiet kiss; the sound of his breathing while he kissed her was the only thing audible in the room. He slightly rested his head on her again, as he did the other night. Kate couldn't stop her tears charged with anguish, seeing how upset he looks and knowing that he's making his best to keep his feelings on tracks.

"How is it possible?" Kate asked to herself, staring at the ceiling.

He lifted his head to look at her.

"How is it possible to love someone you haven't seen, someone you know that will change your life forever, someone that will turn your life upside down?" She continued, her eyes visualizing all these inexperienced moments. "My belly was considerably invisible but, I don't know… I could- _feel_ him here. At first, I was scared because I thought I wasn't ready to be a mom, especially without mine being present…" She covered her face with her hands, trying to hide her tears.

Castle felt sick to his stomach, his body weakening and burning. He moved to lie close to her, placing his arm around her collarbone and burying his fingers in her hair. He could reflect her pain seeing her eyes closing as a tear fell.

"But I felt ready." She continued. "Knowing that you're here, seeing how you are with Alexis, I had this eager growing on my stomach… I just wanted my baby, I felt so ready and I _wanted_ to be a mom, something that had never passed through my head before." Her doleful face was now showing a weak smile.

"One day, you'll make a great mom." He murmured, and she turned her head to look at him. Damn, her eyes. So full of fear. And bags slightly forming under them…

He took a breath. "I know that because I saw how different you were acting these past days, the way you admired your own belly in front of the mirror… Each day I saw a maternal instinct growing in you. I could see that you were – and are – ready."

The way he'd seen Kate talking to their friends about how exciting it would be, how she couldn't wait to see her desk surrounded with baby stuff, him sleeping in Castle's arms while she did paperwork, and how better her days would become in a few months. She couldn't wait to be the mom that her mother was for her. Kate never noticed her cheerfulness when she talked about it, but he did. And it made him smile and be thankful for the woman he chose to have a family with, because every day she would do something that would amaze him, and he would love her more and more.

"Do you think we will get to have a baby someday?" She asked.

"Of course," he affirmed. "Just not… now. But yes, when the time is right, we will have a baby, and he will look just like you, and be as strong as you are."

"This time, you think it would be a 'he'? I was looking forward for a 'he'…"

He weakly smiled with his tired eyes. "I would love a little man turning this house upside down."

She stared at the ceiling again. "Being your child, I expect anything."

They both chuckled together, and then looked at each other again. She gave him an "I'm sorry" smile, and he pressed a kiss against her forehead.

"Sleep, honey. Your body needs a time out." He said quietly, rubbing his thumb on her temple.

She turned her body to his side and looked at him with fearful eyes, expecting him to say something. God. Seeing her like this, it breaks his heart. He was waiting for the moment they both would wake up and this would have been a big nightmare.

"Everything will be fine." He whispered.

"You promise?" She asked softly.

He offered a smile.

"I promise."

•••

She fell asleep in that same position, feeling his fingers running on her hair and the warmth of his body close to hers.

Seeing that she was finally resting from this awful day, he felt necessity to breathe. He'd been blocking that feeling from running through his body since he got home and, as he left the bedroom, he disruptively walked to the counter and placed his hands onto it, trying to catch a breath, but it seemed harder now. Holding this anguish inside of him until now was suffocating. His mind was a mess and with that loud silence, his thoughts were eating his soul_. You should have had postponed the sign meetings. You let her alone. You weren't here. Your baby is gone._

He allowed his tears to fall. His body was boiling, trembling, his breath erratic. He tried to cry to himself, screaming only on the inside, but gasping heavily.

Just some hours ago, they were so excited with this whole new chapter of their lives. It felt so good and right and challenging and…

And Kate. She felt ready to be a mom. She was confident and happy. Everybody from the precinct celebrated the big news. She deserved this kind of moment in her life, and Castle knew that her, as a mom, would be the most dedicated, protective, wonderful, good-looking woman he would ever see. And he wanted that. Damn, he wanted that.

He maintained his silence, still curved, with his hands on the counter. He leaned his head down and closed his eyes, trying to learn how to breathe again.

He felt arms around his waist, holding him, and a head resting on his back and startled, opening his swollen eyes and turning carefully, sighting Kate.

She sighted his features manifesting his illness, his eyes red, the way he looks at her now utterly showing his real pain; but he wouldn't – couldn't – try to hold back now. He was miserable, couldn't even think, and she understand his suffering more than he could imagine. And she knew that this evil ghost running over his body wouldn't let him in peace during a long time. Her body weakened, her stomach wanting to throw out the food she hasn't eaten. Enclosing one arm around his waist, she softly ran her other hand on his face and brushed his tear away with her thumb.

"Everything will be okay," she said quietly. "I promise."

•••

_**18 months later **_

Kate left the interrogatory room rashly passing by everybody in the precinct, entering the bathroom to throw up. The suspect was still in the room, handcuffed, staring at the open door, trying to understand why she left like that. Ryan and Esposito, who were watching the interrogation through the mirror, looked at each other, frowning.

Ryan waited in the room with the suspect, while Esposito walked to the bullpen, only to find Lanie standing next to Kate's desk.

"She said to let you know that she needed to go." Lanie said.

"And you didn't ask her why?"

"I saw her leaving the bathroom, then she just said it and rushed to the elevator. It was so quickly I could barely see her frames." She crossed her arms.

"What the hell just happened?" Esposito pointed to where is the interrogatory room. "The man over there was talking and suddenly she got up and ran without saying a thing."

"And where's Castle?" Lanie frowned, looking around the bullpen.

"Went out to buy coffee."

The elevator beeped while the doors opened, causing both to look at it. It was Castle with two cups of fresh coffee in hands. He walked towards them, smiling.

"Hey, guys. Is Beckett still interrogating that guy?" He asked.

Lanie and Esposito stared at each other.

"She left the room and went out without tell us why." Esposito stated.

Castle frowned.

"That's odd. I better go look for her." He was about to turn around when his phone buzzed in his pocket. A new message from Beckett.

"_I'm on the loft. Come here."_

•••

Kate stared attentively at the small oblong thing on the sink. Just a few minutes of pure eagerness until the result fades-in.

She hesitated. She wanted so badly to see a positive but was so afraid for the same reason. Reaching the phone, she bitted her nails while checking if Castle had answered. Nothing. Ugh.

"Okay." She whispered to herself, grasping the test from the sink and sighting the two tiny lines on it.

Positive.

She kept staring at it for some minutes and smiled, oblivious to the front door's shutting sound, feeling that same contentment from the first time growing inside of her.

Castle would love the news. Since the incident, they had put the imminent in fate's hands, without making any plans. And avoided talking about it, because every time they'd tried, it hurts. Every time they started to miss their unborn child, and it hurts. But deep inside, they both wanted to expand the family. Despite the trauma, she continued to feel ready to be a mom. And Castle? He was born ready.

"Is it positive?" She heard Castle's voice behind her and startled.

She turned around, her smile widening when she looked at his.

"So?" He pointed to the test in her hands with his head.

"Yes."

"Really?" His eyes widened.

"Yes!" She showed the test for him.

"Shut the front door!" He hugged her, grinning.

At first, they were surrounded by happy thoughts, but the ghost from a year and a half ago turned up after a moment, making them tight the hug, comforting for the quick pain that threatened excel their happiness.

She breathed heavily on his neck before moving her head to look at him, still stuck in his embrace.

"We're going to make it work this time, right?" She asked softly.

"We will."

Her smile opened, causing his to do the same.

"I love you." She whispered, switching gazes between his mouth and eyes.

"I love you too."

He pressed a kiss against her mouth, resting his forehead on hers afterwards.

"You know…" He said after a moment, trying to hide his mischief. "Since you're pregnant, I guess you won't drink the coffee I brought then."

She moved her forehead away, so she could face him.

"You brought coffee?" She asked, getting out of his arms to walk out of the bathroom.

He followed her.

"Yes, but it's too strong for you."

"But I want it!" She exclaimed, starting walking faster when she saw him coming after her.

"Oh, don't you start, Katherine Beckett!" He said firmly.

He encircled his arms around her when she was about to take her coffee that was placed on the counter. She almost did it! And the room smelled so good… Damn it!

"Let me go! I deserve my coffee." She yelled, laughing.

"You deserve to go back to work for trying to disobey my orders." He raised her from the floor, walking toward the door.

This time, it was time to make a different ending for an awful chapter. This time, they'd try to make this work. They would try harder, if necessary. All they know is that, this time, they would have this baby and be a happy family, because it is what they deserve.

•••

_The end_


End file.
